Hi, my name is Alex Rodriguez.
I’m one of the best players in the history of Major League Baseball.
What?… you don’t believe me?
I’m a 3-time AL MVP, I’ve hit 647 home runs, have 1,950 career RBI’s while hitting .300 over 16 seasons.
Those are Hall of Fame numbers baby.
And I’ve never used performance enhancing drugs.
No, wait, I’ve already admitted to using PEDs… but that was 4 years ago when I was in Texas, and I came clean and have not taken anything since.
Now MLB is accusing me of recruiting other athletes for a drug clinic in Florida, c’mon man.
And you mean to tell me that Major League Baseball is suspending me under its collective bargaining agreement instead of its drug rules?
That means I’m prevented from having any chance of delaying a penalty until after the case goes to an arbitrator!
I just turned 38, I’m a New York Yankee for crying out loud, and I’m coming off the DL, this is a witch hunt… that’s what it is.
I’m Alez Rodriguez.
Hey A-Rod… what comes around, goes around.
I’m Rick Zamperin.